Saturday, October 13, 2012

Feline fun

Growing up all I wanted was a cat. My best friend Heather had two sleek Siamese beauties, Lightning and Coco, that would slink along on either side of her as she walked through the living room, tossing her long blonde hair. All she needed was an elegant cigarette lighter a la Audrey Hepburn to complete the picture of fifth grade glamour. I was so jealous.


I couldn't do anything about my curly brown hair, but obtaining a cat should be no problem. Unfortunately it turned out my parents were not on board the kitty train, and began tediously blabbering about litter and pee stench and hairballs and other cat evils that I don't remember, because I was busy plotting my cat acquisition strategy while my mother droned away.


It seemed reasonable that since Heather had two cats and I had none, she should give one to me (foreshadowing of a university socialist phase). To my disgust, Heather was too afraid of her parents' reaction to co-operate and my cajoling, bullying and crying had no effect, Heather having become desensitized to my drama queen ways over the five years of our best-friendship. A month later I was still cat-less and miserable as I loaded up my newspaper cart and headed out on my paper route.

 
 
As I trudged through a townhouse complex, a flash of black shimmered in the corner of my eye. I stopped the cart and went to investigate, jittering with delight when I discovered a small black cat crouching behind a shrub. Finally, here was my chance! If I could get ahold of the cat, stuff it into my newspaper cart and get it home, my parents would be stuck with it and I would have my own fur baby accessory to love me forever!
 
 
 Sometimes love hurts.
 
The bandages were definitely not glamorous and by the time they came off I had given up on feline friends. Instead I became the proud guardian of a slutty rabbit, a homicidal hamster and a surprisingly long-lived frog. It took 10 years before I felt ready to tackle the chaos that is a cat again and brought home this little doll:
 
 
and later a friend:
 
 
 
Alas, there was no happily ever after for us. When I got pregnant with S., Miss Krazy Kitty began peeing all over the house (and not just commenting on my underwear choices). The vet said it was because Miss Krazy now saw me as competition and was decorating the house to show everyone she was the only hot tamale in town. Because peeing on everything is super sexy, y'all.
 
We cleaned up and Miss Krazy pulled herself together eventually, but when I got pregnant with A., Miss Krazy started the pee parade again and that was it. I was tired of Eau de Cat Piss throughout the house and J. and I didn't have the time and energy for our fur babies on top of parenting our actual babies. So Miss Krazy and her partner in crime have found new homes, we have found fresh air and the great cat experiment is over for good. Goodbye, fur babies. We will miss you.

1 comment:

  1. YES I love pets soo much too. But they are sooo much freaking work! Right now I am having issues with our dog, Promise, who is a puppy OIE

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Lend me some sugar!