Monday, October 29, 2012

For the first time

Lists are fun and I need to smile. So I'm linking up with Monday Listicles for 10 firsts - join us here:

My completely random 10 firsts - enjoy.

1) My first car was such a drama queen that she very nearly went out in a blaze of glory. At least hot firefighters were involved. Here's the story.

2 and 3) Here's a two for one: First road trip and first concert. On the way to Six Flags Darien Lake, New York to see a Newsboys concert and go camping, our youth group's van blew a tire and careened across three lanes of the interstate. Other than me nearly breaking my boyfriend's hand and blowing out his eardrum by screaming like a banshee, no one was hurt.

The concert was amazing, still the best one I've ever been to. You can't beat standing barefoot in wet grass with your boyfriend's arm around you on a warm summer evening, lights flashing as your favourite songs purr down your spine. Other events occurring on this road trip included being dumped by said boyfriend, but unfortunately that wasn't a first.

4) I pick my nails like a madwoman, except for occasional fits of willpower when I grow them enough to actually reach the ends of my fingers. During one of these rare moments, I went for my first manicure at a nail salon recommended by a friend. I should have remembered this friend's primary criterion for anything is cost, because "salon" was a slight exaggeration. My stylist had one yellowed pinky fingernail half the length of his finger and filed to a point, which apparently is all the better to do cocaine with. He also kept scratching me with it, which made the whole experience much less fun than it already was. I have yet to try a pedicure.

5) J. does drywall subcontracting for a living, so I thought our first renovation (of our condo, so we could sell it and move to a house) would be a breeze, i.e. done perfectly within a week. Several months of upside down or no furniture later, I yelled at him, "If you were working for me, I'd fire you!" "Who would want to work for you?" he snapped back. Marriage counsellors looking for clients should just pass out their cards in the Home Depot parking lot.

6) I was a late bloomer and didn't step onto a dance floor until freshman year in university. I had no idea what I was doing, but followed my friends onto the floor and let this hypnotic beat wash over me. I haven't stopped dancing since.

7) The first time I was pulled over by a cop was traumatic. The second time, I was driving 113 in an 80km/hr zone as I raced to an out-of-town audit client around 8:00am. The cop was coming the other way on a two lane country road, and with the early morning sun in my eyes, I didn't see him until he was nearly beside me.

I didn't say much as the cop outlined my transgression, other than asking, "So how fast are you allowed to go in an 80?" I could hear the co-op student (Omar) sitting in my passenger seat squeak in horror as the cop glared at me. "Well, the posted speed limit is 80," he said. "But I pull people over if they're going over 95." "Good to know!" I chirped and went on my way, being tailgated by every person behind me for the rest of trip, no one else being too troubled by the 95 maximum.

8) I'm a big wuss and got nightmares just from hearing Will Smith sing about Freddy Krueger. So it took 18 years for me to be convinced to watch a horror movie, I Know What You Did Last Summer. I could see most of the gory parts coming and closed my eyes in time, so I really enjoyed it. Since I wasn't in the habit of driving home drunk from a beach, it didn't freak me out too much. Then I watched The Blair Witch Project and never went camping again. Seriously.


9) I may be a wuss, but that didn't stop me from getting my first (and so far, only) tattoo. Thank you, Emla cream! J. and I got matching tattoos of our initials and the date of our first kiss for our 15 year dating (and 5 year wedding) anniversary. Yeah, I know the whole romantic tattooing thing is frowned upon, but after nearly 18 years and two kids together, he'll always be a part of my life. If he does something evil like cheat on me, I'll just tattoo "Expired" across the original tattoo.

10) My daughter is going through a stripping phase that's only funny because she's two. And because she hasn't yet peed or pooped on the rug during her naked escapades. I don't remember doing anything like this, which makes my first flashing the Wonder Woman incident. Although technically, I was wearing underwear so it doesn't count. So the real first flashing was during my quarter-life crisis and thankfully did not end up on the internet. That I know of.

Tell me your firsts! Don't be shy; I'm not easily offended.


  1. You MUST try a pedi sometime. Somewhere nice - treat yourself! And I agree about the Home Depot parking lot. I'm sure many a marriage has nearly ended over home renos!

  2. You MUST try a pedi sometime. Somewhere nice - treat yourself! And I agree about the Home Depot parking lot. I'm sure many a marriage has nearly ended over home renos!

  3. I LOVE it! Great great list! I totally agree with home improvement projects... I've wanted to divorce my husband during some for sure

  4. I love your descriptive writing...and I'll have that image of your church van in my head everytime I put my child on the church bus. eek. So glad everything was okay. And I agree with Amanda. I had a manicure once and never again for it lasted for a total of 3 hours. Pedicures are the opposite. The make my feet look halfway decent and last for at least a month.

  5. Thank you for having to guts to ask what the REAL speed limit is. Great list! Ellen

  6. Hilarious!

    One summer I had season passes to Darien Lake. That was such a fun summer. I think I even went to a concert once. Jewel, maybe?

  7. I loved that! I laughed out loud at the idea of marriage counselors handing out their cards at Home Depot. Hilarious- and so true!
    Good luck with the stripping; when my oldest was two we had a series of unfortunate events known as "Code Brown Nap Times". I bet you can figure it out. ;)
    Great list!

  8. Hilarious! I love your list of firsts. I’m too old to remember very many firsts but I remember I did total my first car too. Sadly, there weren't any cute firemen, just the crackhead who Tboned me from the right. Love your blog and added it to my favorites; now to find time to read thru.

  9. Oh my, you had me in stitches. I am not laughing at you, but boy you are funny!! The Home Depot counseling in the parking lot is pure genius!

  10. Loved the idea that marriage counselors should hand out their cards at the home improvement store - that's a great place to get into fights at!


Lend me some sugar!