Sunday, November 3, 2013

Where are the instructions for this thing?

 Some people have a knack for making friends. I am not one of them. The casual chats I've had with schoolmates, co-workers, gym acquaintances, etc. never seem to turn into the social invitations that come so easily to others. Any attempts on my end to make plans have met with busy signals and I've stopped trying. My inability to make friends has been a bruise that never heals, a steady ache that pulses underneath my busy life of work, fitness, husband and babies.

Yet somehow in the last two months I've stumbled into the alien territory of new friendship. It's exciting but scary, because I really like my new friends but have no idea how to keep them. If I text them and they don't reply right away, I immediately think I'm pestering them and I've confused politeness for friendship. But I've also been told I can seem cold and unfriendly, so I've been trying to reach out more even though I feel stupid doing it.

It's a good thing I'm happily married, because clearly if I had to date I would be alone forever.

16 comments:

  1. Figuring out friendships can be pretty difficult! If you're being too friendly, people will find a way to tell you. If you're cold, then people probably won't say anything. So I err on the side of too friendly and just keep a listening ear out for hints that it may be too much. On that note, yay for NaBloPoMo! Glad to have found you from the YW grid! :D

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    1. I find the "back off, too friendly" thing really painful - need a thicker skin, I guess. I'm looking forward to visiting the grid again - thanks for stopping by.

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  2. Same here. Friendships are hard for me too, as I struggle putting myself out there.

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    1. It's easier online - one more reason to love the Internet!

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  3. Friendships take time and sometimes it is very wearing to work on one that seems destined to fail. I have been blessed with many lifetime friends and I work at keeping those friendships alive. I think it is easier for extraverts but at the same time----just being an extravert does not mean you automatically have deep meaningful friendships. It is a tricky balance with new friends. I made a new friend recently who is my son's age. I have hesitated to contact her too often because I don't want to be pushy or too "motherly". Today she messaged me to have coffee and it made me smile. Friendship can bridge the age gap . :-)

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    1. It's a great feeling when a new friend reaches out to you!

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  4. I feel like blogging makes things a bit easier. The bloggers I've met in real life, I already feel like I knew them. That's kinda fun. Glad you are making friends. Stick with being excited!

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    1. I've never met any bloggers in real life, but I think it would be fun. Lucky you!

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  5. I can't help but wonder if all our electronic connectedness has gotten in the way of our person-to-person relationships. It's not easy to meet the eyes of someone next to you on a plane ride or even the subway, if their nose is buried in their smart device and they are wearing earphones. It may mean the death of spontaneous friendly conversation. I hope you will persist with your new friendships. It will take some working at it. But the rewards are great!

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    1. Electronics make things easier for me, because I'm uncomfortable talking on the phone but will text someone. I'm thankful for my new friends and hope they stick around.

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  6. Same here....I suck at socializing/making friends. Have you read quiet by susan cain? It might be eye opening!
    I "socialize" far more online. I can do it in my own time... "hey Gem how are you" in person means I must reply right then...online, I can respond....whenever. -gem at disorderlywanderlustblog.blogspot.com ....my mouse drsggything did not want to drag to select my identity

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    1. I feel exactly the same way about online communication - love it. I've read excerpts from that book and they resonated; I should read the whole book.

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  7. Does it help to know that even those of us who do make friends easily are nervous about what is too much or too little with new friends? Enjoy your new friends, text or ask them to do something whenever you feel like it. They are probably sitting on the other end thinking the same things you are.

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    1. It does help, Christine. Thank you! I often feel like I'm the only person who struggles with these things.

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  8. "My inability to make friends has been a bruise that never heals, a steady ache that pulses underneath my busy life of work, fitness, husband and babies." - Oh Azara - this is me. I totally understand this. As an introvert with social anxiety even maintaining friendships is hard, let alone making new ones. I've challenged myself to make new friends and it is so hard! Most of my socializing is done online, but even then, it's hard to make that feel really...real, ya know?

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    1. Yes! Online feels more comfortable but there's still that sense of uncertainty about whether the relationship is genuine on both ends, or just mine.

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Lend me some sugar!